You’ve landed that Scrum Master position. You’ve reread Coaching Agile Teams. You are ready to help this company take their software development to the next level.
Sure, their Daily Burndown Chart is a weird KPI. Having backlog grooming sessions without developers is a bit odd. It’s the first day and you’re sure you’ll figure it out.
After a month, you’re sighing as you’re writing a status report and realize you’re just another project manager. Damn!
You’ve spent more days in estimation sessions than you’re willing to admit. You’re forced to push a JIRA workflow on your team. Velocity has become a fetish and your dreams of hyper-productivity are wasting away.
The reason is as simple as it is vile: you were never hired to be a Scrum Master.
You’re a victim of Agilewashing. Your employer knew that using a hip title would attract better candidates for their position. They’ve tricked you into a shitty job.
Every developer who was hired to “solve problems” and finds himself cranking out the software equivalent of TV dinners.
Every “Product Owner” who spends their days writing User Stories as if the Cold War was still going on.
Every Quality Assurance Officer who’s clicking on the buttons Quality Center tells her to click.
The UX guy on wireframe duty. The DevOps girl forced to use 90’s tools.
How many psychologists does it take to change a lightbulb? One, but the lightbulb has got to want to change.
For every bank that’s blabbing on about “Digital Transformation” and “Work 3.0”, there are real companies that need your skills. Don’t try to fix a business that has no intention of improving.
Find something better. For people in tech, there is an abundance of great companies to work for.
Too many smart people are stuck at an awful enterprise. Too many awesome businesses have trouble finding the right talent. Why waste away at Kodak when you can shine at Instagram?