Project management : a serious guide

If you’ve ever worked on a software project, you’ve noticed there is quite a bit of project management jargon being thrown around. Since asking questions makes you look stupid, I’ve compiled this quick cheat sheet.

Project: Planned set of vague interrelated tasks to be executed over a never-ending period while going over budget.

Budget: The amount of money the sales guy told you it was going to cost.

Deadline: Important date that is never missed. It needs to be done by the deadline. Definition of “it” and “done” likely to change as the deadline approaches.

Milestone: Deadline but in a bigger font.

JIRA: A programming language for managers.

Requirement: Some feature that sounds like a good idea to someone who doesn’t have to build or maintain it.

User story: A poem written in this format:

As a functional analyst,

I want to add JIRA tickets,

so I can justify my salary.

Planning: The art of building mosaics in Excel. Dedicated project managers can spend hours perfecting their designs.

Estimating: Fun team building activity where the manager has a number in mind and the team tries to guess it.

Resources: People who’s name you can’t remember.

Building software is hard, but don't let that stop you.

If you're building a product and feel like you could use a supportive techie in your corner, let's set up a quick chat to see if I can help you.